there's paper in my vomit.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
