from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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