honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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