so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
