Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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