You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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