never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
