There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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