Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I supernannyed him into submission
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
