Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are a genius and a whore.
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