those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
