I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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