If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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