apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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