I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
