think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
