My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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