I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
