did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
