I love black thongs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this is an emotional support booty call
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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