Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
