time to smoke my breakfast
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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