I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
