Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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