She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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