no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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