I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
