It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
