when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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