Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
