I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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