Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize