Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
