I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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