My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
