Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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