Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
