I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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