Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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