You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
