all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
