how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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