in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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