I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
