Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
