i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
