Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
