She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
