How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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