and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
