please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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