i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
