I'm so fucking centered right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
