You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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