Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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