I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize