if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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