Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
