Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
