THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
