i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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