I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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