His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
