Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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