At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
