weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
