so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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