I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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