all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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