so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
