The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drake has all the answers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
