im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
