I want to stick my p in your. b.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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