Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize